Category: Relationships

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Friends. How Many of Us Have Them?

Little girl kissing her baby brother.
Instant Besties.

Today, my son told me that his sister is his best friend.  Although initially taken aback because it isn’t Mommy, I am elated to know that he feels that way!  I mean, she is the one who plays with him the most and can often understand him when others cannot.  Their relationship is actually very cute. He wakes her up in the mornings to play, and they enjoy watching TV together.  This little brother will also boldly stand up for his older sibling if when she gets yelled at, professing, “Mommy (or Daddy), Don’t yell at Jill!”  (Only to, moments later, refuse to let her play with his toys, while feeling entitled to play with hers). By definition, Jillian is absolutely Timmy’s best friend.  All this passion got me thinking about what a friend really looks like.  Friends.  How many of us have them?  How many of us are them?

A friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem.

Merriam-Webster
Jillian- 6 years. Timothy-6 months.

I do think it’s worthy to note that my son says his Dad and I are also his best friends.

Father and Son.
Valentine’s Day 2020: Just my mini-bestie and I stealing a moment at the zoo.

All meaningful relationships are, at their core, friendships. When delving into the topic of friendship, one must clearly define and acknowledge that there are different levels of a friend.  I’m not speaking about those superficial relationships, like a work friend, which is a colleague or associate.  I’m talking about those genuine, I’ve met/spent time with your family, including your parents, type of friend. I would venture to say there are three different levels of a friend:  Friend, Good Friend, and Best Friend.

Friend:  A friend is someone you have formed a serious bond with. 

You love and care about this person, and this person is someone you can definitely call on in times of need– but those times are limited.  Although the limitations may not be set by your friend, you may not feel as comfortable reaching out to them when you’re in need, as you would a good or best friend. Still, you share some common interests and you play well together. This person may also be a motivator and cheerleader for you.

Good Friend:  You know this person extremely well, and you can call on this person for just about anything.

You guys most likely communicate often, whether in-person or otherwise.    An accountability partner by nature, you can typically expect some genuine truths here. You can also hang out with this person on a different wavelength than a friend. You are simply closer to this person than the friend that you may not speak to as often or entrust with your deeper secrets.

  • Little boy and young girl on scooters.

Best Friend:  This type of friend is basically family. 

I call best friends mirrors, because the best friend is going to show you exactly who you are and how you come across. This is one of the most honest relationships in your life. You live to create memories with this person. Not only does this type of friend motivate you to do and be better, but this person is also the one willing to get in the trenches with you…AND give you a swift gut punch when you’re falling out of line. Weirdly, you may not speak to your best friend as often as you speak to a good friend, but when you do talk, you never miss a beat.

  • Helping Big Sister with her sales.
  • Brother and Sister on a Mardi Gras float.
    Happy Mardi Gras 2020!

Do you give what you require of others?

Even understanding the varying levels of friendship, we still have to identify who those people are in our lives. It is healthy to evaluate the relationships in your lives, especially when you are reflecting on yourself. At the same token, we must be realistic and know that our friends are human beings and will not be without flaws (just as we are not).

Great Expectations

We sometimes not only want, but EXPECT certain things from people that is not in their character to give. What’s worse is when we expect people to do things that we ourselves don’t and wouldn’t do for them. We must be to our friends, who we want them to be to us. And at some point, if you feel that energy is not being properly reciprocated, that may be the sign that that particular relationship has run its course.

Brother and Sister filming for the YouTube Channel "Love, Jillian."
Sibling-friends filming together for Love, Jillian.

Having a friend is really helpful and healthy for your well-being. Even so, of all the intimate relationships you have in your life, one is at the top of the hierarchy. The most important relationship you can have in life is with the person you see in the mirror everyday. You must be a friend to yourself. Love on yourself, be honest, but be kind to yourself. If you work on your relationship with self, you will have better relationships with others. In other words, it takes a friend to have a friend.

Personally, I am very grateful for the relationship that my children have as friends. It reminds me of what friendship looks like, from an objective viewpoint. Let’s face it, we all get mad or unhappy with our friends every now and then, but that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward together in a healthy way. I watch my children fuss for a few minutes or get annoyed with one another often. But, they seem to display a bit of maturity and humility, while recognizing they love each other more than whatever pettiness they were upset about in the first place. Or sometimes, they just need naps. Either way, they work through it, get over it, and truly move on together. Because what’s life without your best friend to go through it with?

What does friendship mean to you? Do you find there are differences in the types of friendships you have in your life? Leave us comment below and let us know!
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Cooking is Not for Me

Are women supposed to cook in a relationship?

I have never been a person who enjoys cooking.  In fact, when I was younger, I always thought how rude it was for people to say that “the woman” is “supposed” to cook.  That is partly the reason I never learned. I was going to prove all those misogynists wrong, if it was the last thing I’d do!

My kids don’t miss any meals, but I’m rarely the person who cooks it for them.

Fast forward several years later, I’m now a mother and still struggling with daily meals.  When my boyfriend and I first moved in together, he, being an excellent cook, attempted to “learn” me a few things in the kitchen.  I’ve tried my hand at a few things—shrimp pasta, spaghetti, steak, etc. But I know my strengths and my weaknesses and cooking is simply not for me.

That listed prep time is usually inaccurate.

It’s so time consuming to have to look up meal ideas and recipes. Watching tutorials makes the prepping take even longer. I also don’t like touching all those ooey gooey things, I don’t know what seasonings make what taste like what, I get nervous standing over fire, and I cannot successfully cook more than one item at a time…  It’s just a very frustrating process for me.  And after all is said and done, half the time, the food doesn’t even taste good!  (Okay, okay.  More than half the time, but who’s counting)? On top of that, I’m a picky eater and our two little humans are very challenging to feed, as well. 

If you’re from the South, you’re automatically supposed to know how to throw down in the kitchen and everyone eats spicy seafood. *insert eye roll*

Let me just give you slightly more insight on the latter.  I am originally from Mobile, Alabama, and my other half is from New Orleans, Louisiana, which is where we reside.  My Atlanta-born, but New Orleans raised daughter despises spicy foods of all types (how?!), and my two-year-old son loves spice!  When we go to restaurants, my daughter wants to order scrambled eggs…  She doesn’t even eat seafood!  Like, really?!  My son, on the other hand, has a more diversified palate.  The problem with him is that you never know when he is going to eat something, even if you know for a fact that particular food is something he likes.  He has a tendency to beg for chicken nugget-French fries, (please read that as one word); however, he does not often eat chicken nuggets.  In short, I’m usually ready to give up with “figuring out food” by the middle of the day.

If you have someone around you who can really cook, why even bother?

I actually come from a family full of professional cooks, some who were even restaurant and café owners back in the day when it was rare for people of color to own their own businesses.  Here we are in the middle of 2019, and I cannot even tell you the last time I put food on the stove that I didn’t “outsource.”  I’ve never even cooked Ramen noodles before.  (I ate well in college).  But.  I’m turning over a new leaf. 

Although my man cooks, it isn’t fair that cooking and making dinner is solely his responsibility. 

I have come to the realization that I need to make a change, and that change starts with the way I look at cooking.  If I were to view it less as a task and more as a crafting experiment, perhaps I can learn to revel in it.  (I love crafting)!  So, I decided to look up several different meals to try.  Because the man of the house has such a refined palate, I wanted to be somewhat creative, but not too far from my relative “comfort zone.” I began by choosing the meat and planning the meal around it. Ultimately, I decided on Fettuccine Alfredo, Green Beans, and Parmesan Pork Chops.  After researching recipes, I headed to the store to grab all of the ingredients, and then off to the kitchen to prepare this grande meal. 

Parmesan Pork Chop on the stove.

After spending hours on a supposed forty-five minute meal, (I told you I couldn’t cook more than one thing at a time), dinner was ready to be served.  The best thing was the Fettuccine Alfredo, and it was still missing something.  I added stuff to it, too.  At some point, I had to give up.  It was bed time and we hadn’t even eaten!  I don’t know guys.  Clearly, I need some help in the kitchen.  As it stands:  Cooking is Not for Me.

If any of you have a favorite or go-to recipes you’d like to share, please leave me a comment below. 

We do like well-seasoned food and we don’t have any dietary restrictions.  Help!  How do you decide what’s for dinner?