Today, my son told me that his sister is his best friend. Although initially taken aback because it isn’t Mommy, I am elated to know that he feels that way! I mean, she is the one who plays with him the most and can often understand him when others cannot. Their relationship is actually very cute. He wakes her up in the mornings to play, and they enjoy watching TV together. This little brother will also boldly stand up for his older sibling if when she gets yelled at, professing, “Mommy (or Daddy), Don’t yell at Jill!” (Only to, moments later, refuse to let her play with his toys, while feeling entitled to play with hers). By definition, Jillian is absolutely Timmy’s best friend. All this passion got me thinking about what a friend really looks like. Friends. How many of us have them? How many of us are them?
A friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem.
Merriam-Webster
I do think it’s worthy to note that my son says his Dad and I are also his best friends.
All meaningful relationships are, at their core, friendships. When delving into the topic of friendship, one must clearly define and acknowledge that there are different levels of a friend. I’m not speaking about those superficial relationships, like a work friend, which is a colleague or associate. I’m talking about those genuine, I’ve met/spent time with your family, including your parents, type of friend. I would venture to say there are three different levels of a friend: Friend, Good Friend, and Best Friend.
Friend: A friend is someone you have formed a serious bond with.
You love and care about this person, and this person is someone you can definitely call on in times of need– but those times are limited. Although the limitations may not be set by your friend, you may not feel as comfortable reaching out to them when you’re in need, as you would a good or best friend. Still, you share some common interests and you play well together. This person may also be a motivator and cheerleader for you.
Good Friend: You know this person extremely well, and you can call on this person for just about anything.
You guys most likely communicate often, whether in-person or otherwise. An accountability partner by nature, you can typically expect some genuine truths here. You can also hang out with this person on a different wavelength than a friend. You are simply closer to this person than the friend that you may not speak to as often or entrust with your deeper secrets.
Best Friend: This type of friend is basically family.
I call best friends mirrors, because the best friend is going to show you exactly who you are and how you come across. This is one of the most honest relationships in your life. You live to create memories with this person. Not only does this type of friend motivate you to do and be better, but this person is also the one willing to get in the trenches with you…AND give you a swift gut punch when you’re falling out of line. Weirdly, you may not speak to your best friend as often as you speak to a good friend, but when you do talk, you never miss a beat.
Helping Big Sister with her sales. Happy Mardi Gras 2020!
Do you give what you require of others?
Even understanding the varying levels of friendship, we still have to identify who those people are in our lives. It is healthy to evaluate the relationships in your lives, especially when you are reflecting on yourself. At the same token, we must be realistic and know that our friends are human beings and will not be without flaws (just as we are not).
Great Expectations
We sometimes not only want, but EXPECT certain things from people that is not in their character to give. What’s worse is when we expect people to do things that we ourselves don’t and wouldn’t do for them. We must be to our friends, who we want them to be to us. And at some point, if you feel that energy is not being properly reciprocated, that may be the sign that that particular relationship has run its course.
Having a friend is really helpful and healthy for your well-being. Even so, of all the intimate relationships you have in your life, one is at the top of the hierarchy. The most important relationship you can have in life is with the person you see in the mirror everyday. You must be a friend to yourself. Love on yourself, be honest, but be kind to yourself. If you work on your relationship with self, you will have better relationships with others. In other words, it takes a friend to have a friend.
Personally, I am very grateful for the relationship that my children have as friends. It reminds me of what friendship looks like, from an objective viewpoint. Let’s face it, we all get mad or unhappy with our friends every now and then, but that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward together in a healthy way. I watch my children fuss for a few minutes or get annoyed with one another often. But, they seem to display a bit of maturity and humility, while recognizing they love each other more than whatever pettiness they were upset about in the first place. Or sometimes, they just need naps. Either way, they work through it, get over it, and truly move on together. Because what’s life without your best friend to go through it with?
